how i’m not going to try to make this blog popular

There’s this article that came up about what i’m supposed to do to get more blog hits. Let’s take a look, this should be fun.

1) Effective Content (be a little more broad why don’t you)

If you’re thinking to start a blog – write 10 to 15 great articles first before you publish your blog. When you start promoting your blog readers will have something to see and will find something new to read.

Hmm… definitely not doing that. If i see something i think is funny, i’m posting it. If people like it, they follow me. If they don’t like it, there probably more normal humans and they move along just like 99.9999999 percent of the world. I’m not saving my posts them publishing them all at once. Oh sure, then people would come flocking.

2) Contribute 

There are a variety of ways to contribute. You can:

  • Create videos.
  • Host interviews with successful people.
  • Create pod-casts.
  • Create an eBook and give away for free.
  • Write guest posts on certain blogs.
  • Provide a content-rich newsletter.
  • Develop a series of tutorials that provide great value to the reader.

I may be open to doing some of these things going forward (analoctopus podcast.. i could see that) but definitely don’t need them. I’m contributing my thoughts and my words penned by my eight slimy legs first and foremost. That’s my contribution to the world. And before you say anything, it’s a larger contribution than most octopi give so…

3) Community

The more value you add to your contribution and community – the stronger your blog will become.

Yes brilliant article.. all blogs are trying to build a community. This article is supposed to tell us how to do it. Bitch. Sorry, got a little angry there.

4) Focus on lowering the bounce rate

Isn’t it impressive enough that an octopus can read and write… don’t throw fancy terms at me.

5) Why should I stay on your blog

The only thing I care about is: “If you can help me with my problems?” If you can help me with a problem I am more likely to stay. This is why the top bloggers succeed.

I can’t help you with your problems. I’m sorry. But if i make you smile, maybe i can help you forget about them for 10 seconds.

Woah, that got way too serious and sentimental…  here’s a video of a cat jumping to the song ‘Sail’.

Plain and simple, i’m not gonna try to manipulate you to be here, i’m not going to be conventional. I’m gonna post my shit and that’s that. I hate blogs that have every other word of the article blue so it links to another one of their blogs. And blogs that make you click to a new page for like a top 10 list so they can get more “hits”… ew.

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