I never believed in time travel. It just never made sense. I mean i can’t even wrap my head around how we hurtle people across the globe in large death tubes, so the concept of ripping a hole in time and just walking through like it’s the entrance to hooters is mind boggling to me. (also, if time travel existed i think i would have had future analoctopus come to me saying “no, stop trying to convince yourself, she really does hate you!!” at least a few times by now).
Anways, this all changed 10 minutes ago, when i stumbled on, what i believe, is the first definitive proof that time travel exists. Now, my god-given christian name is analoctopus and it has been since i escaped the womb. But i never publicized my name, until tonight, when i created this blog. So the only explanation for why, in July 2010, 100 people searched for analoctopus is this: in the future analoctopus.wordpress.com rules the internet. (no, we still haven’t not dropped the .wordpress.com by then yet. it was suggested to us by justin timberlake at a dinner meeting just as we were going viral. he said “drop the .wordpress… just analoctopus”, but we decided to stick with it #moviereference #lasttimeieverdoahashtag). So time travel is invented and the first thing people want to do, obviously, is go back to see what life was like in the beginning of the analoctopus-era. So they go, but a little too far back, into, ahem this is where it all comes together… July 2010. When they arrive, they (all 100 of them) search for analoctopus on their iPhone 8s’ to no avail.
I guess i’m open to other scientists cross-examining my data, but it looks pretty rock solid to me.